What is a Llamarick?

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Is it a rhyme?  Is it a Llama?  It seems this time you’ve found the drama.
A play on words.  Some words at play.  The line gets blurred.  The color’s gray.
This blog is meant for your own writing. So please invent some words exciting.
They may not rhyme.  They may be terse.  But be sublime and write in verse!
I’ll publish those who meet the measure.  I’ll share the prose for all to treasure.
I put this bee into your bonnet.  Please send to me your rhyme and sonnet.
So how should you submit in your best?   Email me here; I’ll do the rest.

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There Once was a Grand that was Round

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This is the alter-ego to the Grand Rounds post on my “regular” blog: More Musings (of a Distractible Kind).  OK, I guess it’s more id than ego.

Here are the rounds not so serious
There is nothing grand or mysterious
It’s just posts submitted
To limerick committed
With poet who’s mildly delirious. 

1.  Swedish Meatball Surgery, Part XVI – Insureblog

If down to the ground floor you’re speedin’
Here’s wisdom that you should be heedin’
Your trip may be final
If fractures are spinal
Especially if you live in Sweden

2.  Study Finds Wide Variation in Reoperation Rates after Lumpectomy - Medical Lessons

The next post will make you disgusted
If cancer to surgeons you’ve trusted
For those who’ve been through it
May have to re-do it
Why can’t the bad doctors get busted?

3.  UCEM Position Statement On Alcohol And Idiocy - Life in the Fast Lane

A study both shrewd and methodic
Reflects upon neurons necrotic
To keep your brain thinking
You might ponder drinking
To guard against words idiotic

4.  The Soundtrack of Loss – MS Renegade

A tune born from distant guns’ firing
Brought praise from a public admiring
A gifted musician
A fatal condition
Ring out with a note most inspiring

5.  The Cost of Shopping Around for Health Care - The Colorado Insurance Insider

If you want help for your condition
Be careful from whom you petition
Advice that they offer
May fill up their coffers
They may be a doctored physician

6.  Mindfulness in Palliative Care – ACP Hospitalist

The doctors who care for the dying
The nurses who comfort the crying
To face life’s unfairness
It takes self-awareness
Just be who you are without trying

7.  “Do Not Resuscitate” Orders as Body Art - ACP Internist

A mark on the skin made for viewing
Is what all the cool kids are doing
Now some who are older
Are getting quite bolder
With “DNR” wishes tattooing

8.  Channeling Your Inner Aretha Franklin – Advoconnection Blog

The elderly feel disaffected
While feeling their needs are neglected
They don’t find it funny
When they are called “honey”
They simply want to be respected

9.  Letter to an Uncaring Entity – Northwest Transplant

A letter that’s filled with frustration
Reflects on the mood of the nation
For those with the purses
are telling our nurses
That drugs require authorization

10.  Walking the Walk – Life is a Many Zebra’d Thing

Can’t count those carbs? You’re pathetic!
Fall on the floor? Call the medic!
You’ll never outwit it
You just should admit it
That horrible name: diabetic.

11. Yacht Medicine – Glasshospital

The lives of the wealthy are fraught
With sorrows their money has bought
But when health is failing
They’ll find there’s smooth sailing
From doctors who’ll come to their yacht

12.  Friday Reflection: The risks of looking and doing so much – Dr. John M

A doctor with much to be losing
Considers the roads he’s been choosing
For sometimes it’s best
To forego the test
The choices are getting confusing

Thanks to the writers so clever
Who made my job easier than ever
If you find this amusing
Then check out my musings
My seriously ranting endeavor 

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A Submission From an Aspiring Llamarickerist

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Yes, I got a submission from a REAL LIVE HUMAN named Elizabeth.  Here’s the back-story on this:

- In 9th grade honors English class, we had a section entitled “Poetry writing” where we had to write poems for class. Someone suggested limericks, and I wrote several off the top of my head that were frankly, very popular, and sometimes humorous. Anyway, Jeff <Last Name Withheld> (a boy in my class) suggested people give me the first line of a limerick, and I had to write one in 30 seconds or less. The first line of this limerick came from Jeff. The resulting poem was very popular. :)

And here is the masterpiece of this very promising young woman:

There once was a frog in the Rockies

He could run; he was a jockies.

One day he ran

straight into a fan,

and bled all over his sockies.

A truly poignant reminder to avoid whirling blades while running.  I do wonder if the frog was a jockey, or if he was wearing Jockeys (or both)*.  I think that is part of the depth of this piece, creating tension in the reader and allowing us to sympathize with the protagonist.

That last bit was for your English teacher, Elizabeth.  I’m showing how to read far too much into something, but to do so sounding like a scholar.  Using the word “protagonist” always wins points with English teachers.  Remember that and you will go far in Life.

Well done.  Thanks for the submission!

*It is also interesting to note that Jockey makes both underwear on socks, so the reference in the last line may allude to the right interpretation.

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Lola the Llama

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I met a llama once in Wonderland where the
Kids say “Hi,” but Hispanic ones just say “HOLA.” H-O-L-A, Hola!
I walked up to her and asked for a ride
I asked for her name and then a high-pitched voice told me
Lola L-O-L-A Lola Lo lo lo lo Lo – la

Well I’m not the most zoological guy
But when I saw her face, it sent chills down my spine
Oh my Lola la-la-la-la Lola
Well I’m not dumb but I can’t understand
Why they keep them all here in Wonderland
Oh my Lola la-la-la-la Lola la-la-la-la Lola

Well, I saw giraffes and saw chimpanzees
But that llama girl had captured me
They picked me up and sat me on her back
and said “Dear boy how do you like Alpac?”
Well, I’m not the most zoological guy,
but when I looked in her eyes, well I almost fell for my
Lola Lo lo lo lo Lo – la Lo lo lo lo Lo – la
Lola Lo lo lo lo Lo – la Lo lo lo lo Lo – la

I got off her back
I walked for the gate
I was fighting fate
I got down on my knees
Then I spit at her and she spit at me

Well that’s the way that I want it to stay
And I always want it to be that way for my Lola
La-la-la-la Lola
So are alpacas really llamas too?
It’s a mixed up muddled up shook up zoo except for Lola
La-la-la-la Lola

CHORUS #2:
Well I left home just to see Jack-o
And I’d never thought I’d see an alpac-o
But Lola llama put me in a fog
It’s too bad for her the place went to the dogs

Well I’m not the world’s most emotional man
But when I heard the news I went and ordered a flan
Just for Lola
La-la-la-la Lola la-la-la-la Lola
Lola la-la-la-la Lola la-la-la-la Lola

*My apologies to The Kinks
Go here for an explanation of the tragic story of Lola the llama. 

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Golden Llama

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Call your daddy and your mama
It’s time to win a Golden Llama!*
A prize created to embolden
A prize of llama that is golden!

If you want a chance at glory
Click on this to read the story
About a way I once looked scary
Because of growth out of my nares.

Because our very special Pal
That famous doc named Dr. Val
Is listing it with posts profound
And linking it in her Grand Rounds

But not just any rounds so grand
For Dr. Val is in demand!
Where can you find her blog buffet?
The blog for USA Today!

I tip my hat to our dear Frau
she’s really hit the big-time now.
Her post should reach each demographic
(It also will increase my traffic!)

And so I offer my award
Once thought forgotten, now restored
To those so gifted who compose
A clever verse about the nose.

No need for meter or for rhyme
No need for images sublime
Write whatever does excite you
Ballad, ode, or even haiku

And then send me your magnum opus
Using cyber hocus pocus
Go to this page for your submission
Then wait for fame and recognition

A Golden Prize awaits the clever
A just reward for your endeavor
But don’t wait long, the clock is ticking
Soon comes the hour I do my picking.

What if your verse, however gallant
Shows you lack a shred of talent?
I promise I will not be cruel
And make you show up like a fool.

This could be your shining moment!
A celebration you will foment
Folks far away as Yokohama
Will know you won a golden llama.

 

*I will send the HTML if you so wish (so you can put it on your web page).

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Six Little Pills

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Six little pills all snug in a pack
Six  little pills when microbes attack
Six little pills give illness the whack
Six little pills are doled out like crack

Oh Zithromax, Zithromax!
What would we do?
When people are coughing up purulent goo?
Zithromax!  Zithromax!
The patients felt cheated
Till you gave us something to make them feel treated.

Six little pills in a pack for the handing.
Six little pills, what excellent branding!
Six little pills for the patient demanding.
Six little pills, good science notwithstanding.

Oh Zithromax, Zithromax!
So overused.
As URI treatment makes patients confused.
Oh Zithromax, Zithromax!
Prescribed without blinking
How long will physicians give you without thinking?

Six little pills at the patients’ insistence
Six little pills should we now keep our distance?
Six little pills we’ll rue your existence
If Six little pills are paths to resistance.

Oh Zithromax, Zithromax!
You make us desirous
Against our best judgment to cover a virus
Oh Zithromax, Zithromax!
Your pills in a pack
So oft make the best doctor act like a quack.

*Thanks to MarylandMD for pointing out my major gaffe – I called it “Five Little Pills” when a Z-Pak is six pills.  I could’ve called it poetic license, but someone would’ve probably made a wise-crack about needing a learner’s permit.

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